Alcohol is the destroyer of many lives, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t almost destroy mine. And while for some the notion of alcohol being nefarious would be obvious, for many of us, alcohol is a sneaky demon that greets you with a smile, only to later stab you in the back.
You were the abusive boyfriend I never had. At first, we had fun together. Possibly too much fun, but it was casual and I truly never expected anything to come of it. But, as time progressed, I learned to lean on you for everything.
You gave me the courage to speak up in social situations that paralyzed me. You were there at the end of a stressful workday to soothe me into relaxing for the evening. And you were a wonderful compliment to some of the most interesting evenings of my life. But….
Just like an abusive boyfriend, those grandiose feelings and moments were fleeting. And soon, in their place I found pain. According to psychology, abusive people will build you up and then tear you down. They do this to make you trust them, and to believe that they are worthy of your love. They do this to keep you by their side. And in a similar manner to this, you built me up and tore me down.
I went from soothing evenings, to blackouts. I made decisions that hurt myself, my friends and my family, because you told me it was okay. You blurred my judgment, and gave me false courage and ideas I would never have had when I was sober. In many ways, I couldn’t even remember if it was you that did the damage or if it was me, because I just couldn’t believe I could do such.
And while that would be bad enough, my health suffered, my mental stability suffered, and I could no longer hold onto so much that I had. Instead, I shifted my priorities, and paying my bills and drinking went to the top of my list, while everything else fell to the bottom.
However, while abusive relationships are shunned by the outside world, you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing that most people believe to be good. And as long as I was functioning, and paying my bills, most people didn’t even realize I had a problem. Honestly, if I had a dollar for every person I knew who told me that alcohol didn’t control them, that they controlled the alcohol, as they drank their 7th drink for the night….I’d be rich.
And while many of your victims may be able to hold our lives together, for the most part, you are quietly destroying our bodies. What’s worse, is that you target our largest and most important organs, leaving us yellowed, in pain, and near death by the time we realize the damage you have done.
But what makes you the biggest devil of all, is the fact that liver failure is probably the best case eventual scenario for a functioning alcoholic. Many of us lose our marriages, our homes, our children, and everything that made our life worth living, because we were just too stubborn to admit that we had let you take control of our lives. Even scarier, is the notion that many of us try and try and try to let you go, and no matter where we turn, there you are.
In abusive relationships, we are told to go completely no-contact to separate and move on with our lives. Unfortunately, alcohol, if I leave the house to grab a coffee and some gas for my car, there you are. Not only are you abusive, you are a stalker. You are a destroyer. You are someone so many of us trust, yet you only let us down.
You have murdered countless people. You have destroyed marriages, and you have turned some of the best people into some of the worst.
And while some people may never fall prey to your sneaky methods, many of us do.
And while I’d like to take up for you, I can’t anymore. I am done with you. I am packing my bags, and going no contact as much as I can. And if I see you, don’t expect to rekindle our old love.
No, I am done with your lies. And I am done with your games. I’d like to tell you to have a good life, but then I too, would be the liar.